So this really isn't on the topic of curiousity but it's what I'm thinking about so I'm writing about it anyways.
I absolutely hate, despise, detest, loathe, scorn (thank you thesaurus) small talk. You're running errands, or at a party, and someone who's name you happen to know appears. I'm talking about the people that you've got absolutely nothing against. They're great people, but the facts are that you never make a point to meet up with this person, nor will you after this chance encounter.
Case in point, today I was at the gym, doing my thing on the elliptical, when my brother's friend, let's call him Z., shows up.
"Hey Z! How are you?"
"Hey, I'm good I'm good, you?"
"Great"
"Wow, I didn't know you went to this gym"
"Yeah I didn't know you come here either"
... continue with the "What have you been up to? Give the truncated version of your past year."
... finish with the "Say hi to the family" line.
Now Z's a cool guy and all. If my brother wasn't (weren't?) so against me being around him and his friends as a kid I probably would be friends with him too. But as it stands I'm not. Obviously I wouldn't know that we go to the same gym. Why do we have to act so shocked to make that discovery?
"No way! Seriously, like we've been going to the same gym all the time, and never crossed paths! How crazy is that?"
It's not like anything would've changed if I knew he came to this gym. We're not close enough that I'd suggest we become gym buddies or something. But it's all part of the "small talk" that we're forced to do in these types of social situations.
I saw him last year for my brother's wedding (he was a groomsmen) but I haven't seen him since then. We don't hang out, get together, or whatever and I haven't a clue what he's been up to for the last year. And without sounding rude, it doesn't really matter to me what he's been up to. I need to stress that I have nothing against the guy, I really don't, but he's not a part of my life. Regardless, I have to find out not only what he's been doing (in case there's a quiz on it next week) but also divulge what I've been up to. Because I know his existence I now have to make "small talk".
I'm merely using this as an example. Instances like this happen to be all the time. I'm at a party (okay gathering, let's not act like I'm cooler than I really am) and there's people that I don't see that often, but yet they know my name so I've got to talk to them now. I have listen to their life story - which sorry, I will not remember this come tomorrow - and then I have to answer a bunch of prying questions about my life.
I'm not against people, I'm just against meaningless chatter. If I'm going to have a conversation, I want it to be about something important. I don't want to do the "Hi"s, "How are you?", "I'm OK" (even when you're not, because really, you don't want to have that conversation) and all the other motions we're expected to go through.
Why is the most important thing to talk about what you've been doing for the past period of time? Unless you work where I work or do something that directly impacts my life, I don't care what you do. I know here someone's going to think I'm being rude but I'm just saying what you're too polite to say. If you see someone only once a year, is it really all that important to know what has happened in their life since your last encounter? No.
I just hate all the things people say only because you're supposed to say it. There is nothing original about asking how someone is, doing the "Long time no see" gesture (you know what I'm talking about, the gesture with arms that always accompanies that gesture). "Say Hi" to so-and-so for me? No! You call them up and say hi yourself. Does anyone actually pass along these messages?
"Hey so you would not believe who I ran into the other day."
"Who?"
"So-and-so from such-a-place"
"Really? He say anything?"
"Yeah actually I've got a message for you."
"Really? What?"
"He says Hi"
I wish I could put a robot in for my place for the first 5 minutes of any conversation where it's just going to be a bunch of empty small talk. I really don't think you need an actual human being to go through all the motions. Like I said above, I don't plan on remembering anything you tell me, so why do I need to be there and sit through it? I should clarify that I actually am incapable of remembering most things. I have a really really poor memory and I need to see things written out for it to stand a chance of sinking into my brain. I'm a visual learner (something I've discovered recently). If you're just saying words at me, it won't stick.
Your boyfriend's name? No idea.
What program you're in? You're in school? I had no idea.
That story you told me last time you saw me? What? We met before??
So maybe that it why I'm so against small talk. Perhaps if I had a memory better than that of a goldfish's, I would enjoy all the little facts I can gather from small talk. But as it stands, I won't remember a darn thing so it's just a waste of time on my end.
This is probably why I'm so awkward in social situations (or at least one of the many reasons why). I don't like to talk unless there is a purpose to me talking. I don't like to say things that people already know I'm going to say (otherwise why am I wasting time and energy saying them). I am absolutely horrible at that "networking" thing because it's all about the small talk. It's about seeming more interested in a complete stranger then one really should be.
I am trying, really to be more open to this "small talk" thing and talking to people just because you should. It's just weird for me. I hate the unoriginality of small talk. Clichés especially I hate but I could write a whole other rant about that (Seriously - why say something that has already been said like a million times before by a ridiculous number of people?).
So in conclusion:
1. Small talk is robotic. We say things because we are forced to (by proper etiquette I suppose)
2. I wish people would just say what they want to say, and not what they have to say. Why is there such a set checklist for casual conversation?
3. I am bias in my opinion because for me small talk feels especially pointless - given my poor memory.
4. This might make me seem anti-social, but I'm working on it.
D.M.
